The Pikachu Bros.

[Akai]

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01. The Brothers of Chu

The sun rose over the Chu-chu Valley. Random cries of morning Pokemon greeted the day. Several Pidgey fly overhead, getting the first glance of the new start. They dive out and land around a stray puddle, playing in the cool water, splashing around and getting a morning bath. A pair of long yellow, black tipped ears poke up. They twitch a little, as the Pokemon they belong to snickers evilly as he stares at the dancing Pidgey. With a few shifts, he leaps out, yelling, "Thunderbolt!!"

All heads **** to the voice. The Pidgeys spread wing and take off, flying frantically away from the screaming Pikachu that was, for some reason, attacking them. The Thunderbolt chases the Pidgey until another attack of the same type knocks it off course. Another Pikachu, nestled in a tree, gives the naughty Pokemon a stare, grumbling a little. With a little snicker the Pikachu that attacked the Pidgeys ran off. The Pikachu in the tree sighed, and tried to wrestle a few apples from their home.

An hour later, the sun was high in the sky, making the morning disappear. The Pikachu from the tree waddled into a small rocky den, holding a couple apples, "Crash... You need to stop." The Pikachu that attacked the Pidgeys laughed a little, poking his head out, "Sorry, Dash, I couldn't help it that time. It's been days since it rained, and that puddle was still there. It was a sign."

"You're going to get a big sign when you pick on the wrong Pokemon," Dash said, heaving a sigh and tossing an apple to his brother. "Eat up. We're going to get an assignment today." Crash nibbled on his apple, "Aww. But assignments are so boooooring."

"They pay good, and it's better than scrapping for apples. Don't you want some yummy PokeFood again?"

"I guess.... Get something easy, 'kay?"

"Affirmative. Get dressed." Dashed tossed his apple core out and grabbed his red bandana, tying it around his neck. Crash kicked his half-eaten apple out and tied some green ribbon around his head, grinning in the piece of broken mirror they had, "Oh, yeah... Lookin' good."

"Come on." Dash sighed, grabbing the excess ribbon trailing off Crash and pulling him along.

"Easy! Hey! Dash, come on!" Crash mumbled, trying to get free. Dash released him, "Let's go. Stop slacking off, or I'll get the hardest one they have."

"Ok, ok..." Crash rearranged his ribbon a little. He fell on all fours, raising his tail high in the air. Crash did the same, "Ready?..."

"Steady..."

"Go!" They called out in harmony, running as fast as they could, in a race to see who can make it to the guild first.

[Kaboom]

Very interesting idea. A few errors, but they are more than made up for by the content. I wonder what they're going to be assigned? Will it be dangerous? Will Crash get himself into trouble? Those are the questions I'm asking myself after having read this first bit.

[Shiny Espeon]

Cute first impression. I'm kinda stumped that the troublemaking brothers have evolved, and a little murfed that they seem "older" than what they were. But the fanfic seems interesting, with the hint of Wigglytuff's guild and the Pika bros themselves.

Few mistakes here and there, nothing distracting yet worth your attention as the author.


Several Pidgey fly overhead


Fly should be flew.


A pair of long yellow, black tipped ears poke up.


Should be "A pair of long, yellow, black-tipped ears poke up."

Dashed tossed his apple

No -ed.

But other than that, it's looking good. ^.^ When will you update?

[Kaboom]

SE, the story's in the present tense, so the first verb needs correcting, but the one you indicated doesn't.

[Akai]

Urk. It was like 2am when I wrote this. It's not going to be perfect.