Kitsune's Adventure

[Kitsune]

This story is about a Vulpix, named Kitsune. She was born in a cave during a blizzard, on a place called Pokemon Isle. I hope you enjoy this.
Chapter 1: A new beginning

Down the road I go. That's how she'd mention her life in a just a single sentence. Her name is Kitsune. Born on Pokemon Isle, her parents, two well known Ninetales, died protecting her from the cold weather.

Our story begins on one cold, snowy night. Two Ninetales, one about to give birth, find a small cave in the middle of a snowstorm. The male said, "Come on, we're almost there!" The female said, "Help me, Deacon!" They were able to enter the small cave. Later that night, a small cry emmited from the cave, the baby was born. The storm outside had gotten worse.

Deacon, the male, said, "Marion, if the storm gets any worse, our baby will freeze to death!" She said, "We'll be her warmth, then." The three had cuddled up for the night, unfortunately, it wasn't enough. The baby woke up to find her parents covered in frost. The blizzard had passed on, and the small Vulpix made her way out of the cave. Then, a Glaceon walked around looking for some form of breakfast. His eyes caught the baby Vulpix looking for a meal also.

Glaceon trotted up to the Vulpix and asked, "Hey, little one. Where's your parents?" She looked into the cave where the bodies of her parents lay frozen stiff. Glaceon quietly stepped into the cave and nudged the body of Deacon. Glaceon said, "Hello? Are you all right?" He nudged at the mother soon afterward. Nothing.

He then left the cave, on the verge of crying. He didn't know the two, but he thought of how the Vulpix would handle her parent's death. He walked up to the Vulpix and said, "Let's get you somewhere warm. Years had passed since then, and Glaceon had become somewhat of a father figure for the Vulpix, whom he had named Kitsune. One day, after going rock climbing, a Murkrow had paid a visit to the Glaceon.

Glaceon said, "Kit, go to your room." Kitsune said, "What's wrong, father?" He said, "Nothing's wrong, I just need to speak with this Murkrow for a little while." She then left the two alone. The Murkrow said, "I see that you have gotten close to Kitsune." Glaceon said, "What do you want, bird?" The murkrow said, "You know what I want. You have two days before we come and get Kitsune. Either that, or replenish your duties to Honchkrow."

Glaceon said, "I will never do that!" The Murkrow said, "Ha ha! The boss will definitely be pleased with your decision." He then flew out of the cave. Kitsune came into the room at that time. Glaceon said, "Kitsune, I have to tell you something." Kitsune said, "What is it, father?" He said, "You can't call me that anymore, I'm not your father."

Kitsune's eyes widened and said, "What do you mean?" Glaceon said, "I adopted you when I found your parents frozen alive. I didn't tell you until now because I wanted to wait until you were older." Kitsune stepped back and whispered, "The Murkrow is still here, I can hear him." Glaceon whispered, "I can too. Pretend that you're real upset with me now, say something that would hurt me deeply, and run away."

She said, "Why do you want me to run?" He said, "That Murkrow is dangerous. If he follows you, I'll stop him." Kitsune then yelled out loud, "I can't believe you would do that! And after all this time?!" Glaceon then said, "I'm sorry, I just couldn't leave you out there." Kitsune then ran out of the cave. Glaceon said, "No, don't, come back!"

The Murkrow then flew off towards Kitsune. Glaceon said, "Ice Beam!" He then fired a cold beam of ice at Murkrow, forcing him to crash into the ground. Glaceon then ran after Kitsune, who had stopped. Glaceon said, "I hope you can forgive me." She said, "I just wished you had told me earlier." Glaceon then said, "Well, I couldn't tell you, because this Murkrow was always lurking about, but, you need to go, now, before he wakes up."

Kitsune said, "Where do I go?" He said, "There is a small village of Pokemon nearby. Find the Sandslash, and mention my name. He'll give you usefull items for your upcoming journey. But, whatever you do, do not return here." Kitsune said, "But, what about you?" He said, "I've done my part. Now you do yours." She said, "I will, sir."

Every now and again, I'll post a new chapter Until then, let me know how you like it. Your comments matter to me.

[Shiny Espeon]

Very depressing, very interesting. I love your idea, especially the grudge with Honchcrow.

However, you could have had a lot more detail. Do they live in a house? Underground? Bring the story to life with detail. I also noticed that for the dialogue, you always used the word "said." The words would have more of an impact on the reader if you use several words such as "screamed," "Yelled," "Shreiked".

Other than that, this story is great. I ponder Murkrow's words...

[Kitsune]

Here's the second chapter. I'm glad that everyone enjoyed the first chapter. In this chapter, Kitsune has entered the village that Glaceon told her to go to. But, a robbery had just happened, and Kitsune is too tired from walking, she almost collapsed. Here is "The Village."

Chapter 2: The Village

Kitsune had walked into the nearest village. She was on the verge of collapsing, that's how long she had been walking. When she had found the village, she fell down and said, "Whew! About time, my legs feel like they're about to snap in two!" Then, someone yelled, "Stop! Thief!" A Pokemon had a bag of stolen goods, and was running towards Kitsune! She couldn't get a very good view, though.

It ran right past her, and the Pokemon following it, the Sandslash, had stopped and asked, "Little Vulpix, have you seen a Pokemon run by here?" She pointed behind her and said, "He went thataway." The Sandslash said, "Thanks!"

He then ran in the same direction that the thief had ran off in. Then another Pokemon walked up to Kitsune, and Kitsune said, "And you are?" The Pokemon was an Alakazam. He said, "I am Alakazam. You have a very promising future, Kitsune." Kitsune then jumped to her feet, and asked, "How did you know my name?!"

He said, "Don't get too overdramatic. My high I.Q. allows me to see into the future, and it also allows me to read the minds of anyone I want to." She then asked, "Then who was the Pokemon that made off with the goods?" Alakazam said, "It was a Dark Pokemon. Tall, but not big. Fast, but not very strong. That is all I can tell you."

She then said, "A riddle. What Dark Pokemon is tall, not big and fast, not strong?" At that time, the Sandslash had come back, with the thief Pokemon in a huge bag in one hand, and his stolen goods in the other. Kitsune walked up and asked, "So, who was it?" Sandslash said, "One of the Dark Claw organization." Alakazam said nothing as he left. Sandslash continued, "His name is Fang, and he is a ruthless Houndoom. I wouldn't get too close to the bag. I'm taking him to the local police, so that they can book him."

Kitsune then remembered that Glaceon had told her to go to Sandslash. She said, "Sandslash, do you know a Glaceon?" He laughed and said, "Yeah, he's a great friend of mine. I remember when we were kids..." He then looked at Kitsune and said, "Wait, you're the Kitsune he told me about, aren't you?" Kitsune smiled and said, "The one and only." He said, "Meet me at the store, I got something I want to show you." Later that night, Kitsune sat in the shop.

Then, after Kitsune said, "Ohh... What I wouldn't do for a nice bed right now." Sandslash came in and said, "You can go to sleep. The beds are in that room." Then Kitsune got up and ran for the bedroom, when Sandslash blocked her way. He said, "But, there's something I have to tell you first. This is a picture of your parents."

He pulled out a tattered picture, and said, "I know it's battered and bruised, but..." She looked at the picture and said, "Who was in the back?" A Pokemon was pratically cut out of the picture. Sandslash said, "Someone who betrayed your parents. You see, your parents were very rich, and a Honchkrow was a bodyguard for the two. They were named Deacon and Marion, because they decided not to be called 'Ninetales' for the reason that there were two of them."

Kitsune was a little annoyed when she asked, "The Honchkrow?" Sandslash then said, "Oh, yeah, the Honchkrow! He, and a bunch of other Dark Pokemon decided to double-gang Deacon and Marion, and they stole thier riches. But that wasn't enough, they also severed any ties that your parents had, except with me. I was one of thier best friends. Anyways, you can keep the picture. Get a good night's rest. You'll need it."

Meanwhile, at the police station, a breakout had just occured, and only one Pokemon escaped. Fang.

[Shiny Espeon]

Dark Claw Organization? Oh no...poor Kitsune.

The only problem I had with this chapter was that there was barely any transition. You went straight from the robbery to when Sandslash showed her the picture. What did she do during that time?

Other than that, this chapter was great. Can't wait to see what happens next.

[HobbesI]

Dark Claw organization... that sounds more like pokemon like Weavile and Zangoose should be in it. And SE is right. There needs to be a transaction. You kind of rush through it. It doesn't matter how long it is. Other then that, it's a good fanfic.

[3speon]

Very nice!! The only problem I have is that you have "So-and-so said, 'whateverblahblah'" every time somebody says something. I think it should be phrased differently, like so:

"Don't get too overdramatic. My high I.Q. allows me to see into the future, and it also allows me to read the minds of anyone I want to," the Alakazam explained.

"Then who was the Pokemon that made off with the goods?" Kitsune asked.

Alakazam pondered for a moment, and then said, "It was a Dark Pokemon. Tall, but not big. Fast, but not very strong. That is all I can tell you."

It's okay to say "So-and-so said, 'blahblahblah'" every once in a while, but not every time there's dialogue. That's all I have to say! =3 Other than that it's great!

[HobbesI]

Yeah, you need to use other words then 'said'.
Why not
'Explained.'
'Shouted'
'Whispered'
'Murmured'
or, you could add something after said, like
'said delightfully'
'said sadly'
and so on.