The Legend of Time and Space

[Blaztro]

Okay, this is my first fanfic, so it's not that good.

http://www.geocities.com/flyingsnorlax/legendoftimeandspace.doc

I'll post part 5 when I finish writing it. I have put it online using my web host, and you can view it through the link above.

[Shiny Espeon]

At first glance, this is a well-formatted fanfic. You've spaced out and used the "enter" button a lot, which is what most new comers fail to do at fanfictions. You should be proud of yourself for that.

I'm assuming this chapter was an intro. So, there's really not much to say here, especially because that's what happened in the game. You've added a bit of imagination in here, and that was great for the prologue.

Looking forward to the next chapter. :)

[Blaztro]

Part 2 has been posted!

[HobbesI]

You're good at writing fanfics. If you hadn't said that this was your first try, then many people would not think that. I can't wait until the adventure part. Are you going to alternate views between the legendaries and billy?

[Blaztro]

Sorta. Mostly, it'll be Billy, but occasionally, it'll be the legendaries. I plan to write Billy more casually, and the legendaries in more of an ancient, almost 'biblical' style. By the way, what do you think of the image?
Also, Part 3 has been added!

[3speon]

Ooh, this is really nice! I like how you use a lot of detail, and it's not just a big block of words. Shiny Espeon made a good point about how you used the "Enter" button. It's much easier to read than a long strip of text.

Can't wait for more!!

[Shiny Espeon]

Oh my. We immediately know Billy's background and what he looks like within the first paragraph. Excellent, really. That's what the first paragraph is made for, so you've accomplished your formatting once again.

It would have been nice to know what's Billy's feeling were when he picked his Pokemon, though. In my opinion, it seems as if you rushed through that part a bit. Just take it slow.

The comparison of the legendendarie's feelings was quite an interesting thing to read. You made it all the same at the same time, yet different. That was impressive.

Waiting for your next chapter. :)

[3speon]

Aaah!! Deja vu! I so read what you just posted before, SE!!

[Blaztro]

Well, I had to rush through it so the chapter didn't drag on.

[Shiny Espeon]

Meh, don't worry about a chapter's lengh. Look at my story, and see how long some of the chapters are.

[Blaztro]

I have added part 4!

[Shiny Espeon]

The PokeDex part was very different and interesting to read. You have a nice imagination.

However, I felt as if Shinx went down much too easily. One pound attack from a Piplup at level 5 won't take down a Shinx at level 5, now will it?

[Blaztro]

Yes, but see, the Shinx was surprised by the attack. Therefore it was a little bit shocked, letting its guard down.

[3speon]

I think I was the one who said the Pokedex 4.0 in the Sinnoh RP. =/

[Blaztro]

So that's where I heard it!

[3speon]

LOL yeah, I searched wayyy back to the 3rd or 4th page and found it:

"Welcome to Pokedex 4.0. This version of Pokedex has been updated from Professor Oak's original Kanto-"

Then I broke it off to keep things moving... it was going to say

"Welcome to Pokedex 4.0. This version of Pokedex has been updated from Professor Oak's original Kanto version, well-known as Dexter, a term coined by the famous Ash Ketchum of Pallet Town in Kanto. The Pokedex was created by Professor Oak to help him to record information about Pokemon, fascinating creatures with amazing powers that have come to inhabit our world. Professor Oak seeks knowledge on Pokemon so that we humans can live alongside them in harmony as friends, pets, or partners. This Pokedex will soon be the perfect guide. It picks up information by scanning new Pokemon with the sensor on the front. To begin, slide your Trainer Card in the slot at the bottom. Once you are registered with our system, scan the Pokemon you will begin your journey with. After that, you're ready to explore the Pokemon world! Good luck!"

[Blaztro]

Oh. See, I don't mention Ash Ketchum, because in the roleplay and my fanfic, Ash doesn't exist. However, Red and his rival Blue do.

[3speon]

Oh, okay. I get it. Nice fanfic, anyway. I like the storyline. ^^